Forgive me.Īnyway, we made the bed, including my son's sleeping bag (or, to use the correct nomenclature - "Fart Sack"), unzipped to create one large blankie. This surprised us both since a) we are male and therefore do not usually consider sheet-related issues at any point in our entire lives, content to wallow in filth and un-sheeted beds if needs be, b) we didn't tear the fitted sheet while attempting to fit the sheet cross-ways instead of length-ways on the mattress and scratching our heads in confusion as to how such things actually become 'fitted' when they don't bloody well fit anything, and further how do women actually fold these things so neatly anyway?, and c) I forget what c) was supposed to be. Mattress inflated and positioned, we were proud of our next step since we actually remembered to place a fitted sheet over the mattress. We have technology built in to our mattress that blows things up for us, by sucking in air at the rate of a small jet engine (with attendant noise, eerily similar to that of a large jet engine, with afterburner). I'll interrupt my narrative here by boldly announcing we don't have any of those 'inflate things with your own breath' stuff. Not a sleepover with chums or anything - just himself.ĭespite my raised eyebrow and inner doubts as to whether he'd actually pull this off (bookies in Vegas were running odds well into the 8 digit-to-one range at this early juncture), I am nothing if not supportive of my kid's adventures so we set things up that afternoon. So the other day my son grandly and bravely announced he'd like to sleep outside on our air mattress. I am the Dearth Vader of postings, I know. Space is limited due to board meetings, planning sessions, and a pedicure. "I don't think so - particularly if we are going to hit next quarter's revenue forecasts."įor media interviews, please contact one of Mr Crawford's executive assistants. "Do they want to hold up poorly spelled signs of discontent their entire lives, or do they want to move on and enjoy the many benefits of wallowing in debt and working at low-paying jobs the rest of their miserable lives? Is living in filth and squalor worth it?" he asked, rhetorically. Crawford went on to state that while he fully supports the ideals of his employee discontent, people must move on with their lives and pick themselves up off the pavement of disappointment, move into the light of prosperity, and ask themselves if they really, really understand the implications of not asking if the customer is having fries with that order, he said. "If it weren't for their support I think we'd all be out of jobs." "They've been with us all the way," said Crawford. Speaking from inside his limousine, the CEO then went on to thank many of Occupy's corporate sponsors, including Coca Cola and Bank of America, for their patience and understanding during this crisis. "Having all these people just sitting around holding signs is not the way to operate a successful company in todays day and age" announced the exalted leader. "In order to meet our profit targets we must institute severe cost cutting measures," announced the CEO, whose current salary is $750,000 plus stock options. The President of Occupy Wall Street Company, David Crawford, has announced thousands of layoffs, effective immediately. I’ll call it my Mission Planning Commission Abolition Commission Commission mission.” "Well I’m on a mission to commission a commission for the Mission to find a way to transition away from the Planning Commission. "Well, you can't have an uncommitted outstanding sitting Standing Committee Committee now can you?" "I believe it will be an outstanding sitting Standing Committee Committee." "So you have high hopes for this committee then?" "No, it will be a sitting Standing Committee Committee." "Will the members of this committee stand during proceedings?" "Yes, it will be the Standing Committee Committee." My first job as Mayor will be to form a committee to deal with these committees. "Well, I think there are too many committees at city hall, which is slowing down development. "Mr Mayor, you've said publicly that you are not in favour of all the red tape at City Hall.
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